


Love, Not Love, and All Those Other Emotions

by AChairWithAPandaOnIt



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, also chii and fai are strictly platonic, but chii knew fai when he was tiny little baby child, but he does seem to treat her a bit like she's a child, cause fai made chii to look like his mum, chii learns about feelings, it's like double sided parenting, there are feelings other than love??, they're both trying to parent eachother
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:54:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22073602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AChairWithAPandaOnIt/pseuds/AChairWithAPandaOnIt
Summary: “I’m coming with Fai, aren’t I?” Chii says expectantly.Fai frowns. He looks like he’s thinking very hard about something. Finally, he smiles; it’s fake and real at the same time.“That’s right.” He says, before turning to Ashura-ou to wish him good dreams. Chii doesn’t understand why Fai still loves Ashura-ou – Ashura-ou hurt him.Fai lifts his staff up off the ground and beckons Chii closer.“Alright!” he cheers, a not real smile on his face, “Time to go to see the witch!”Wherever Fai goes, Chii also goes. It's been that way since she was created, so it makes sense that she'd be going with him on his journey.
Relationships: Chii (Tsubasa) & Fay D. Flourite
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

Chii doesn’t understand very much about anything, which is okay, because she doesn’t need understanding to love.

Chii loves Fai and the real smile that graces his face when he tries to teach her to cook. His real smile isn’t like his fake smile. He forgets the things that make him sad when he smiles for real.

Chii loves other things as well: like when the snow calms after a long blizzard and she can finally see the blue of the sky, or when she and Fai pass a plant that’s managed to survive the cold on one of their walks. Chii also loves how the wind rushes by when they sit at the top of the highest tower of Ruval castle, and the rare birds that excite Fai, and the rabbits that make Fai smile for real just like when they cook together.

Fai loves all of the things that Chii loves and maybe that’s why she loves them. Fai did make Chii after all.

So Chii loves everything that Fai loves. Except…

“I can’t stay in this country any longer.”

Chii doesn’t love Ashuro-ou, not anymore. Ashura-ou hurt Fai and Chii loves Fai, and she thought that Ashura-ou loved Fai too.

Ashura-ou had to have known that killing all those people would hurt Fai, and he had to have known that asking Fai to kill him would hurt him even more. Chii understands that she would hurt Fai if she did those things, and _she_ doesn’t understand much of anything, so Ashura-ou must have known.

“Maybe…not even in this world…huh?”

Fai isn’t smiling for real. He leans back against the pool that Ashura-ou is sleeping in, beads of water still dripping from his hair.

“World?” Chii asks.

Fai smiles, in between happy and sad, “I mean this dimension.” He says.

“I still don’t understand.” Chii says. Fai pats her on the head, just as he always does when she doesn’t understand something.

“For you, Chii, that’s alright.” And then he reaches an arm around to hug her. Chii loves hugging Fai. He’s warm and soft and the thing she loves the most. She nuzzles up against him.

But then…the warmth is gone.

“Whoops. It’s almost time.”

“Chi?” Chii asks, floating upwards as Fai shrugs on his coat.

“I have to be on my way.” He says with a smile. It’s the least real smile that Chii has seen in a long time. Chii feels a feeling in her chest that isn’t love and isn’t not love.

“To where?” she asks, frowning.

“Very far away.” Fai says, and he looks sad again, “As far away as I can get. Some place with no Ashura-ou.”

Oh. Chii thinks that’s a good idea. Ashura-ou hurt Fai, so that means that Fai and Chii should go someplace else where Ashura-ou isn’t.

“But I have a favour to ask of you, Chii.”

“What is it?”

Fai’s still sad. He’s smiling a sad smile.

“I want you to tell me if the king awakens.” He says.

Chii feels something in her freeze.

“I don’t understand.” Chii says, “How will I be able to know if Ashura-ou is awake?”

“You will be staying here, of co-“

“No, I won’t.” Chii interrupts. Fai blinks, looking up at her in surprise.

“You…won’t?” he asks.

“I’m coming with Fai, aren’t I?” Chii says expectantly.

Fai frowns. He looks like he’s thinking very hard about something. Finally, he smiles; it’s fake and real at the same time.

“That’s right.” He says, before turning to Ashura-ou to wish him good dreams. Chii doesn’t understand why Fai still loves Ashura-ou – Ashura-ou hurt him.

Fai lifts his staff up off the ground and beckons Chii closer.

“Alright!” he cheers, a not real smile on his face, “Time to go to see the witch!”

His purple magic swims around them in letters, swallowing them up. This is another thing that Chii loves – Fai’s magic. Fai made her, after all.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't actually checked this chapter through, so sorry if there are any mistakes. I wasn't actually going to continue this, but I was stressed and opened up the document so...maybe I'll continue with this story, but I still don't know.

When Chii was younger, newly created, she didn’t have a proper grasp on speaking. Instead of saying ‘I’, she would say ‘Chii’, because that was who she was.

And instead of ‘you’, it was ‘Fai’, or ‘Ashura-ou’. This would confuse her on the rare occasion she talked to people she didn’t know, because they didn’t have a name for her to call them by.

Now she tries to say ‘you’ and ‘I’ all the time, instead of ‘Fai’ and ‘Chii’, but she still finds herself slipping up.

The place that Fai’s magic takes them to is strange, unlike anything Chii has seen before. The towers that surround them are made of glass and do not have pointed roofs. Everything about the world is flat except for the building they have arrived in front of.

Rain pours down around them in a world without snow and a tall woman watches as though she’s expecting them. Her face is blank and her eyes emotionless. Chii thinks she must be the witch that Fai said they were going to see.

Another man has come by magic as well. He’s grumpy and covered in black and he says, “Who the hell are you?” at the same time that Fai says, “Are you the dimension witch?”.

They’re not the only ones there. There’s a boy, holding onto a girl. The girl is unconscious. Chii feels something that reminds her of Fai when she looks at her. It’s a sort of pull, at the very centre of her being, one that tells her that she should come closer. Something in her is like the girl, just like how something in her is like Fai. Fai’s magic is bigger in her though, because Fai’s magic grows as it’s used.

“Please give me your names first.” says the witch.

“Me? I’m Kurogane.” The grumpy man says. He looks around them just like Chii did, like he hasn’t seen the flat-tall buildings before and says, “I mean…what is this place?”

“It’s called Japan.” The witch says. The grumpy man says that his country’s called Japan too, but the witch says it’s a different Japan.

“And you two?” the witch says, turning to both Chii and Fai.

Fai sweeps into a bow and says, “A wizard from Celes, Fai D. Flowright,” He straightens up and gestures to Chii with his gloved hands, “And this is Chii.”

Chii grabs onto his hands and floats down to be closer to Fai. She smiles at him. Fai smiles back. It’s a bit wobbly around the edges, as it only is around Chii. Fai trusts Chii.

“Do you know where you are?” the witch asks.

“Yes,” says Fai. “A place where any wish can be granted if a suitable price is paid.”

Chii knows this story – Fai used to read it to her when he was small. This must mean that Fai wants to make a wish.

“That’s exactly it.” Says the witch, and then she says that they’re all here because they each have a wish.

Once again, the grumpy man (or Kurogane, as he’d called himself) and Fai speak at the same time. It’s what Fai says that she doesn’t understand.

“My home world is the place we do not want to be.”

Fai has a lot of magic – he has even more than Chii and Chii is made of magic. Chii knows that Fai can take them to any world he likes, so he doesn’t need to make a wish like this.

He _should_ be wishing to never see Ashura-ou again. Chii _thought_ they were going someplace without Ashura-ou.

“That is a tall order for both of you.” The witch tells them, “No…for all three of you, perhaps.”

Chii thinks of maybe making that wish, but Fai used to read her stories about the dimension witch. She knows that the price can sometimes be terrible, and the result not what you would expect.

Chii doesn’t know what to think of all this thinking. She doesn’t think a lot, usually. Mostly she thinks of the next time she will see Fai and how best to make him smile for real. But now that Ashura-ou’s hurt Fai, she suddenly has a lot more to think about.

In a way, she still is thinking about how to make Fai smile for real.

“Even if you offered the most precious things you own, none of you has enough to pay,” the witch pauses, watching them. She’s known all along that it would come to this – Chii can tell by the look in her eyes. Chii’s very good at looking at people’s eyes; it’s the only way to be sure that Fai is smiling for real. “But, if all three of you paid together, you may just be able to afford it.”

“What kind of crap are you spouting?” Kurogane asks, a twitch in his eyebrow.

Chii can feel Fai’s entire being thrum with mischief as turns and says, “Mr. Black, can you keep your insults down?”

“I’m not Mr. Black!” Kurogane roars without pause for thought. Fai turns away, making a show of ignoring the other man, which just seems to enrage him (and amuse Fai) further.

Fai’s never looked so happy teasing a stranger before, and maybe that’s because he’s never teased such an easily wound up stranger.

All the soldiers and guards and villagers that they meet are aware that Fai is the king’s ward. So when Fai pushes – and he has a habit of pushing – they never push back. Kurogane seems to want to do a lot more than push back.

Chii decides that she likes Kurogane, because Fai tends to forget about the things that trouble him when he’s pushing people.

“All three of your wishes are the same,” The witch continues. Her eyes trail over the boy, who’s still holding onto the girl, “You want to go to many worlds in order to restore the memory of this child,” then she looks over at Kurogane, “You want to return to your own world,” and then, finally, Fai and Chii, “You want to go to different worlds to avoid returning to your own.”

In the end, Kurogane gives away his sword, and Fai his tattoo – the one that Ashura-ou gave him (good, thinks Chii. Ashura-ou isn’t nice any longer).

“I will pay Chii’s price to come with us.” Fai says.

“That’s a heavy toll.” the witch says. Chii feels a pain in her chest. She doesn’t want Fai to pay her price.

“Fai-” Chii starts.

“No, Chii,” Fai says. And he’s smiling a real smile, full of love. “I’ll pay, so don’t worry.”

Chii doesn’t know what to do. If she lets Fai pay, then he’s going to get hurt.

“Fai needs to stop taking care of Chii,” Chii says, pouting. She grabs Fai’s hands again. “It’s Chii’s job to take care of Fai, because Fai made Chii.” She realises that she’s not using ‘I’ and ‘you’ again.

“Well,” Fai says. “I think that – since I made you – it should be _me_ taking care of _you_.”

Chii looks at him and she can only see the scared little boy that he used to be and still is.

“I will take care of Fai.” Chii says, determinedly, being careful to use the word ‘I’. She still forgets to call Fai ‘you’ instead of Fai though.

“Chii,” Fai says, equally determined. “I will be paying the price.”

Chii has to put her foot down…metaphorically, because she likes to float. She has to―

“Just let her pay for herself, dumbass.” Kurogane spits, looking grumpier than before, somehow.

Fai’s face goes annoyed for all of a second, before he pulls his smile back on. “Aww, but Mr. Black,” he whines.

“Don’t call me that!” the man yells. Fai grins.

“Chii will be paying the price.” Chii tells the witch. Fai turns worried eyes on her. She can’t make him any less worried, but she can hug him. She wraps her arms around her Fai.

“Your price is that charm.” the witch tells her. Fai looks surprised and relieved, like he didn’t expect that to be the price.

Chii unwinds herself from around him. She stares down at her charm – the one on her dress. It’s the same as the marking on the uniform that Fai and the rest of the wizards wear. Fai had broken it off of his uniform and given it to her when she’d said she missed him when he wasn’t around. Every time Chii gets lonely she looks at it.

Chii glances hesitantly to the witch. She doesn’t want to give up Fai’s present. She looks at Fai – there’s no other choice.

Chii slowly takes the charm off. It flies over by itself to join Fai’s tattoo and Kurogane’s sword. Chii watches it go sadly.

“It’s okay, Chii,” Fai tells her, covering her hand with his. “We can get you a new charm.”

Chii doesn’t want another charm – she wants Fai’s charm. Chii nods anyway.

The witch turns to the boy, who’s still gripping tightly to the girl in his arms. “What about you?” she says. “Now is the time to hand over your item of highest value, and you will be able to travel the worlds.”

“Fine!” the boy says. He’s even more determined than Chii was.

“You do realise that I haven’t named a price yet.” the witch says. Chii remembers how the people in Fai’s storybooks had to pay terrible prices, equal to what they wanted. She knows by the witch’s warning that the boy’s price is going to be harsher than any of theirs’.

“Yes.” the boy says.

“The only thing I can do is send you to other worlds,” the witch continues. “Finding the child’s memories is something _you’ll_ have to do.”

The boy says, “Fine.” with no hesitation.

“I like your attitude.” the witch says, smiling ever so slightly.

A boy runs out of the building in front of them at that moment. He’s carrying two animals that look a bit like rabbits in his arms. He seems surprised that there are more of them, and the rain patters down on him as he comes out from under the shelter of the building.

Chii realises that the rain isn’t touching the witch.

The witch takes the white rabbit from the boy’s arms and says, “The name of this young one is Mokona Madoki. Mokona will lead you through the worlds.”

Mokona Madoki is just like Chii, _and_ Mokona Madoki looks like Fai’s favourite kind of animal as well. Chii beams, feeling her whole world turning brighter. Fai can still pet bunnies, even if they’re away from home.

Kurogane demands the black Mokona, but the witch tells them that the black Mokona only has the power to keep up communication.

“Mokona will take you to different dimensions,” the witch says. “But there is no way to control which dimension. For that reason, only fate will decide when your wishes will be granted.” she holds Mokona out. “However, there is no coincidence in the world. What is there is ‘hitsuzen’, and what brought you together was also ‘hitsuzen’.” she looks at the brown-haired boy, face falling into dispassionate emptiness. “Syaoran, your price is your relationship.”

Syoaran’s face falls.

“The thing you value the most,” the witch continues. “Is your relationship with her. So that is your price.”

“My price?” Syaoran asks, looking like his whole world is ending. “But how-”

“Even if the child’s memories are completely restored,” the witch tells him. “Your relationship with her will never be the same again. So, what is she to you?”

Syoaran closes his eyes and buries his face into the crook between the girl’s shoulder and neck.

“A childhood friend,” he says miserably. “And the princess of my country, and,” he hesitates. “A girl who is precious to me.”

Precious – like Fai is to Chii. If Fai and Chii’s relationship changed like how Chii thinks Syaoran’s and the girl’s will change then she wouldn’t know what to do. What would Chii be without Fai?

“I see,” the witch says. Her face becomes kind and soft. It becomes sad. “However, if you want to accept Mokona, that relationship will end. Even if you retrieve all her memories, the one memory that you will never retrieve will be her memory of you. That is my price. Will you still pay it?”

Syaoran looks pained. “Let’s go,” he says through gritted teeth. “I will not let Sakura die!”

The rain pours down around them, taking up the silence that they all fall into.

“Travel between worlds is more difficult than you imagine,” the witch steps forward. “There are a wide variety of worlds. For example, the worlds these three come from,” the witch gestures to Fai, Chii, and Kurogane. “You can tell just from their clothes, can’t you? They come from different worlds than yours.

“People you know. People you’ve met on your world,” Ashura-ou’s face flashes through Chii’s mind. “They’ve developed under completely different conditions on other worlds. You may meet different versions of the same person time after time on different worlds. And just because that person is nice to you on one world doesn’t mean you will find an ally on the next. You’ll find worlds where you can’t communicate – where even common sense doesn’t work. Scientific development, standard of living, laws,” the witch pauses. “They all change with the world.

“There are worlds full of criminals, worlds of liars, worlds locked in constant wars. And you must live through them all. It will be a journey in which you won’t know where you are nor how close you are to collecting all of the fractured pieces of memory.” she smiles. “That said, are you still determined to see it through?”

“Yes.” Syaoran says.

The witch extends her arm, Mokona in her palm. “Sincerity and determination…no matter what a person wants to attempt, those are needed. And it seems that you are well provided with both.” Mokona rises from her palm, into the air, a magic circle growing under them. “And so,” Wings spread from Mokona’s back. “You may go.”

Mokona opens their mouth and― they’re sucked into it with a giant gust of wind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my tumblr btw if anyone wants to talk: https://achairwithapandaonit.tumblr.com/


End file.
